#goals

So it's now after camp, and soon to be, after Christmas!
After Christmas hopefully all the hectic-ness will die down and I can have some time and energy to accomplish my post SPM goals woot woot.
I would probably have roughly 3 weeks of free time to do anything and everything :))))
So this is me listing down my 'goals' so I can come back to this and keep myself in check hehee.

1. Cafe hopping w bae !!

2. MCD trip w bri and small P :))

3. Watch a horror movie with someone/anyone

4. Sleepover w bbys !!

5. BBQ hohohoho

6. Catch up session w 6P gang (nick, rach, chow, joann)

7. Develop photos for my own wall and michk (sobs)

8. Learn to cook / bake omnomnomnom

9. Go for a MPO concert w friends or family

10. READREADREAD

11. Exercise / swim @ club hahahhahaha (macam yes)

12. Go shopping alone

13. Finish up blogposts for 2015 events / thoughts (or at least journal them in a notebook)

14. Get braces and contacts!

15. Practice uke / guitar / bass

16. Worship team jam / training session

17. Lastly, SIT LRT hoho

Hoping and praying that I'll be able to make full use of my free time and achieve all these goals safely hahahaha and that I'll be pro at getting parking w/o crashing my car lols :)))

What Do You Want To Do After SPM?

[haven't let my thoughts flow free for awhile now, and my brain's thought processing machine has been clogged up worse than a drain you find in KL]

2:33 a.m.

I guess it's a question all f5s or near f5s students (dread to) face. 'What do you wanna do after spm?'. Whenever i get this question nowadays, i will give the most general answer i can to the person because i dread it now.

I used to think that because i know clearly what to answer and how that i'd be fine (while seeing my elder cousins/relatives get drilled with this question) but i found that no matter how clear minded you think you are, you'll learn to dread this question so much. 

One of the reasons is because people judge. 

No matter how noble your career/study choice might be, there's always that aunty/uncle/friend who thinks their opinions are the most right or most important for you to follow. If those characters can vanish from this world, most young people would feel more secure when sharing their creative thoughts and interests with everyone. But as of now, i see most still in their shells, not speaking up for their passions to people (esp nosy relatives ugh) because all those people know how to do is judge. 

'That career is not good enough for you'

'That course is too general'

'That college is to clichè'

'That course is so hard'

'You should be something that can make your parents proud'

Idk if its an asian thing or what, i feel every career/course options should be given the same oppurtunities and 'rank' in this world. People (esp older generation) must figure out that creative careers can also give you a pretty stable life. 

But this also rellies on the student/young person. If you really feel that a creative path or non mainstream way is the way to go, make sure you do it with extreme hardworkingness as if you're aspiring to be a doctor or lawyer. Only then will you be able to prove those nosy people wrong. Most people don't even put in enough effort to chase what they SAY they want to do, that's why they fail. 

Whenever someone asks me that dreaded question, i always find myself reviewing my choices. Most of the time not of my career choice, but how on earth im going to get that career. Right now i'm in a muddy place in terms of where do i go exactly after spm? Haven't really been able to discuss this hugely with anyone (but havent had the time to dicuss anything with anyone lol) but do i go for foundations or a levels? If foundation, do i go in May or in January? If alevels, which college? Decisions, decisions. 

The time i gotta face in college as well is so uncertain. Im probably going to look back soon and laugh at how nervous i am right now. At college you have to make your own stand and decide really if you want to stand out or be a background person. I have to find my own identity all over again because there'll be people that make me question that. I have to choose what to wear everyday and decide if i care whether people judge me based on that or not. 

Tbh im pretty tired of being in the background. For once i'd like my name to be called out as the most outstanding person in something and not always take second place. #curseofregina

I guess by then it will be up to me to decide whether to let someone else overshadow me bcs i can be my true kiasu self at college haha. 

What if i kena ns? I really would not like to go, but another part of me says that it'll probably be fun if i give it a chance. Sighs

And what after foundations/alevels? Can i afford to go overseas? Maybe not. Can i get a scholarship to go overseas? I'll tell you in a year +. IMU offers scholarships if you get a 4.00 cgpa in your foundation course and i literally lol-ed when i saw it. Who am i kidding? Im not smart. I'm not even jonathan level, how am i going to beat (possibly top people from everywhere)? All these things bother my mind so much when i know i can and should let it go for the time being. 

What is the point anyway if i don't do well for spm? I'd end up in like those unrecognisable unis that take in like any tom, dick or harry? 

I wanna be like celion, vivien, huiwen, reg, kelvin, etc, etc. it's not going to be handed to me on a silver plate. Damn i need to work hard for it. And damn i want that best subject glass. 

3:00 a.m. 

Comfort

Sometimes I feel like I'm a coward

I don't want to ask people what's going on because I have no idea what to say after

I suck at expressing my thoughts face to face to anyone because I always need time to arrange them. If not I'll end up saying something really crappy and insensitive (always)

My train of thoughts goes something like this :

*sees someone sad*

-should i go talk to him/her-

*person tells me his/her problems and it's really depressing*

-shit what should i say or maybe i should keep quiet-

-maybe i should say "cheer up"? But damn sien la probably many people said already-

-how about "it would get better"? Fak i cannot gurantee that i can't predict the future-

-"don't cry"? But crying is a good way to release stress- 

You see i suck at finding the right words. I don't know how some people do it.

So my stand is to just be there for the person. I think your presence for a person does more than you know, if it's the right person. 

But how on earth do you gauge if he/she wants to be left alone or not? 

I'm never going to master this.

I'm sorry if you want more than my presence, if you're looking for comforting words or positive words. 

All i can do is be there for you and i don't think i've even done that well enough. 

I never meant to be insensitive or pretend like nothing's wrong bcs in my noob brain i'm thinking you need some normality in life atm. 

Or maybe you've already sorted out your feelings and you're feeling fantastic. 

I can never fully understand your feelings but im trying, really. 

[why do i suck so much at reading people]

Driving License #3 : Lessons

I thought it wise to split the final part of getting a license (finally) into two bcs there are alot of things to cover haha.

So one fine saturday when I was finally free again I went for my first practical class which I has previously assumed was going to take 5 hours but everyone apparently does not care about the jpa so I clocked in about 3 hours. There were some complications getting me registered because i didnt take my undang here and wasn't under the same uncle blablabla so that took awhile. After all that boring stuff, we went under a tree (the uncle, another guy, another girl and me) and the uncle began to explain the 'engine' parts. So in this new system of grading, you're required to orally present yourself checking the car ex: you check the tyre pressure, it's ok, so you tell the examiner "the tyre pressure is ok" and you basically do that that for the entire car, opening and closing all the four doors, opening the boot and bonnet and mentioning the engine parts and all. (This part is a little bullshit tbh i mean you literally wind down and up the windows and say "the windows can be winded up and down".)

I assumed we were going to be doing that the whole day (but as I said no one there gave two shits about the hours jpa allocated) but after half an hour or so, i got to drive the freaking car omg. I have never handled a manual before so i was pretty excited hahahah. Uncle had me going round in circles, braking at the end of every circle i made LOL. Did that for maybe 10 circles then i got to do 3-point turn. Basically this is where people usually fail because you have to ONLY stop 3 times. Even if you jerk a little chances are the examiner won't let you pass. Next was the selekoh S and selekoh Z. Believe it or not i managed to go up on the kerb while doing the selekoh S bcs (noob). However i think uncle was in a terrific mood that day so he didnt scream at me 😂 Did many many rounds of those three elements before it was lunch and the other guy's turn to learn. Literally wasted somuch time waiting for the guy to finish so i got sunburnt. (50 shades darker) 

Next lesson i had to delay 2 weeks (ugh) bcs dad wanted to go back kampung. In this lesson I learnt how to parallel park. It wasn't difficult but it was confusing bcs uncle kept on changing his instructions lol like what. I chose a friday this time so i was the only one and got to go home immediately (yasss).

Third lesson was learning bukit (hill). Going up a hill is easy enough, but going up there, being required to stop RIGHT ON THE YELLOW LINE, braking and going down again is hell. I'd say out of everything this would probably be the one causing me to fail if i did fail (touchwood). I always manage to either go way past the yellow line or too far  from the yelllow line. That coupled with you having to control the levels of the clutch and accelerator evenly to prepare for descent is even worse. Fingers crossed i'll do fine.

Fourth and the most recent lesson i've been, i got to go on the road. (😱😱😱) This part uncle told me not to worry because apparently the examiners have been told to gurantee pass (if you get what i mean) me, considering i dont make any major mistakes like crash the car or smth. It's fun, because you get to accelerate up to gear 3, which is about 40km/h (probably more).I mean, in the circuit you don't get to accelerate at all, so obviously that's a big change hahaa. Ohh one thing i forgot to mention was that before you start to go out onto the road, they expect you to do another oral test, but this time inside the car. So you start the engine, and you gotta mention what all the lights mean, whether all your mirrors are looking damn fine and whether your wipers are working or not. At every junction, you have to stop, change to free gear, pull the handbrake, change to gear 1 and release the handbrake, even if there are no cars. This i really didnt see the point of i mean, your handbrake's gonna stop working in the span of 15 mins? Wha? The route that i'm supposed to use is full of holes and the road is small. That along with the fact that lorries go in and out every second is really stressful really. Got screamed at so many times for going too slow tho hahahaha. 💁

I have one last class scheduled before the test and uncle seems to have alot of faith in me that i can pass. Let's just hope he's right. Be back with another update before you know it 🚶

   

This doesn't fit

I believe that fitting in is a choice, not a situation.

If you really choose to fit in with that group, you probably will.

Maybe it won't seem to others that you fit in but the most important thing is what you feel.

How can you say you don't fit in, when you don't even try?

You only show up for events that interest you, where there are like mat salleh speakers and you don't interact with any of us much. 

No one has an easy time fitting in at first, no one can perfectly just zuup into a group the first time they meet.

Those who are able to do so are always the ones who are outspoken and making the first move. Talking first, saying 'hi' first etc. 

Sadly not every one of us were born to be like that. So then? What can you do?

You're supposed to MAKE bonds / friendships slowly. Gradually small buds will bloom into beautiful flowers, and that's when you'll witness the wonderful thing called friendship. If the bond is strong, nothing will part you, you'll feel comfortable interacting with them and not create excuses.

These are people you can openly tell 'I don't feel like doing this' heck, before  you even tell them, they would already know. And these are the friendships I live for. 

How do you think we got so close-knit in the first place? We went through all sorts of turmoils and mountains and valleys, many left, many joined, but who are you to judge from outside that we're perhaps not 'interesting' enough for you? 

I'm sick of people who claim no one accepts them for who they are, claim that they don't fit in anywhere, but do nothing to fix that. 

I'm sick of hearing people complain of being left out of things when (depending on the situation) it wasn't even in their place to be part of something or to know something. 

You've got to know your place in that friendship before questioning something.

Like who am I to question why the alumni don't invite me to their gatherings? Because i'm not part of their 'gang', so i know my place and just brush it off like whatever. 

I used to feel super offended whenever I saw some 'WO gathering' thing on ig or fb but you know what I realised, I'm not the only one feeling that, and now I've learnt not to give a damn. 

And I learnt to fit in without really fitting in. 

So, 

Before you people open your mouths to whine about what people are not doing to help YOU fit in, think about what you're actually doing on YOUR side to help YOURSELF fit in. 

I will find you

Well, technically, i can't find you.

You gotta find yourself.

You can't have other people telling you what you do best because what you're good at might not be what you're passionate about.

I don't have to tell you what you do well or what you don't because i don't think it matters at all. 

So what if you've never been 'good' at anything.

What is 'good' anyway? 

Academically, good is the standards set by the world, 

Socially, good is the average, 

Career wise, good is how other people do it. 

What's good to me might not be someone else's good. 

Maybe you'll end up loving what you chose to become, maybe you'll end up hating it so so much. Well, who's to say that I'm going to enjoy what i'll be doing next time too? No one can be certain until they succeed to be in that position.

So, why not strive to do what you want, instead of what you're told you're good at, and YOU NEVER KNOW one day you might succeed and actually enjoy it. 

Maybe you're thinking 'uh i don't like anything too' but you know you do. Deep down. Dig deeper.

I doubt most adults that we see now actually planned out their life so perfectly. I think it's up to fate. 

Maybe you've been asking yourself the wrong questions. What am I good at? What is the thing that i can do that I'm not going to mess up? 

Why not : 

Where do i see myself in 10 years?

Even if you don't have or you can't find what you're passionate about at this stage, SO WHAT. A job does not define your passions after all. And your passions do not define who you are. 

People are not going to take one look at you and be like 'oh, this person doesn't even know where she's going in life ew'  

WHO KNOWS one day you find joy in teaching small kids WHO KNOWS. 

Truth is, even though everyone seems so fucking certain about what they'd like to be 5 years from now or what their future husband is like, no one truly knows. You have as good a chance as everybody else. 

In the end, nothing can define you.

We are all organic compounds that are going to decompose into the ground the same way everyone else is going to be. 

You are you.

And that's how i'm going to remember you. You are good, no, you are amazing to me. Shouldn't that be enough?

Driving License #2 : Undang

The first thing you gotta do after signing up is go for a ceramah. A dreaded 6 hours of sitting down and listening to people talk crap loll. 

I had to postpone this for sooo many weeks because of camp and orchestra, but finally I got to go.

I was supposed to be at the office of the driving school at 8am sharp, so I arrived there at 8am, sharp, but still got scolded by the uncle (wut) and then spent like an hour and a half in the car going to fetch 2 other people from FAR FAR away. 

Reached at the place at about almost 10, got our books and immediately went in to the 'dewan'. The place was in Damansara and it was really run down D:

There were some video clips playing when I walked in, clips of like scary accidents and stuff (were they like trying to scare us to not take our license or smth idk) and soon the penceramah walked in. 

He was nice and joked around quite alot, but all he told us was to buy his cd and go home and study. Literally, that's it. 

Then came lunchtimee at around 12.

There was this girl who came in the same car as me and her name was Ruo Yi (i think) and she was also 17 (yay to early babies). Afterwards I found out that everyone from the car I came in was also 17 (triple yay). So anyway after going to the toilet (which was really digusting btw) we went in again for a second session of ceramah. Another man took over and this  guy was probably on drugs or smth he would be talking normally, and then shout all of a sudden. But he was more informative and told us which chapters to focus on et cetera. 

He told us we had to listen to him till 4.30 (dies) but then released us at 2.30 (lolz to the jpa rules) 

So the car came to fetch us and we went homeee wheee. (There was this super lz guy in the same car and he looked so much like yubing omg ok *fangirls*)

Usually someone would take the computer test like the week after but me being me, i postponed it for almost a month cause of school exams. I called the office like a week and a half earlier but she didnt book the day for me wtf so when I called to confirm a day before, they were so confused as to why i was calling zzz. I only started reading like the night before and I tried the 'mock test' that the penceramah put in the cd. And i failed hahaha so I got scared and I stayed up till 1am doing it until I passed with like 94% or smth. 

The next morning, uncle came to pick me at 9am, and obviously we had to go for another hugeee round around all of KL before actually reaching our destination. Reached the centre about 10.30 am and had to wait until 11.45 before I could go in and take the test. Took 20 mins to complete the whole thing and got 49/50 hahahaha. But then after that I was late for the orphanage trip and probably made the whole world pissed at me heh. Most questions were exactly the same as the cd so it was easy peasy hahaah. There were 10 questions for colour blind and 50 for general knowledge. If you failed the colour blind one you literally fail the whole thing and can never drive in your whole life ok. 

So yay that's one part done and the next lesson would be the amali workshop for like 5 and a half hours (dies) learning about engines and how to change tyres and how to change engine oil and let's just hope I survive that. 

Soon you'll stop seeing pictures of my table like this 

all the time and I'll finally get a life. Peace.

I really wanna change the colour and layout of this blog and change everything asdfghjkl.

But first, exams.

BE NICE TO EVERYONE

So Chinese New Year has just passed. 

It was great, not the best, but fun!

So this incident happened :

I painted my nails, and yeah I'm probably the worst at painting my nails, but I was happy with what I had. But hey, when I reached my hometown, my auntie commented that it looked horrible. Ok so I was like feeling bad. Then that night, i scratched like 3 nails clean cause I decided I didnt like it anymore but I didn't bring back the remover with me. 

Fast forward to the next night when I went to my granduncle's for reunion night dinner. My auntie there (who's like 19) spotted my nails and she was like "why are like 3 nails bare?" And she offered to do it for me (awwww) and when I got back that night I decided that nothing anyone else said about my nails matters because someone likes it and patched it up for me ❤️

So I started thinking, like in life, when you criticise someone about their appearance / personality, it would make me feel how I felt about my nails. Then that person would take it really badly and start scratching off that part of them away, bit by bit. 

However, once in a while, someone notices it and offers to patch it up for them. And for that while, that person would feel that nothing but joy about that part of them, because someone likes it and fixes it for you and essentially, fixes you.

Don't forget to be nice 😘

denial

#foreverthirdwheel
you know, i told you i'd understand
and i do
just quit being in denial that you're completely head over heels over each other
so whatt if you're together all the time and people say you ditch friends and stuff
ignore them man
your feelings are the important part
do what makes you feel happy and i'll be happy
you don't owe an explanation to anyone to be together
separation is inevitable
between me and you and you and him
i don't really expect that anyone can balance their time SOOO evenly but hey you're still there for me to rant to and thats good enough for me
you know yourself best, and you know you've not lost yourself, but for the most part, it seems to everyone that you have

Driving License #1 : Signing Up

Thursday // 290115

Dad picked me up from school because he was on leave. Had lunch and went to Perfect Driving Academy Office (opposite IOI Boulevard) but it was closed eventhough the sign says its supposed to be open. Gave the number on the board a ring but no one answered. Dad decided to look for another centre because this one looked really shady and dirty anyway. So we drove around Puteri and Pusat Bandar, we saw a couple of schools bt finally decided to go into Central Driving School in Pusat Bandar. A lady called Linda attended to us and explained to us the process of getting a driving license. So first you will have to take the undang test which requires some 6 hours of ceramah (dies). Then you will get a L license which makes you eligible to take driving lessons, after which you clock in 16 hours of driving, you will take the JPJ driving exam at their circuit in Padang Jawa. [forgot to ask her about the on road exam tho damn]. It looked pretty okay and she quoted a price RM 1,500, 100 bucks lesser than the one at Giant but oh well, not really gonna spend the whole day searching nowhere for a school that offers 1.3k am I? Linda also mentioned that if you fail one JPJ exam, it will cost RM250 to resit the exam (screams). Though I am confident I probably can pass, I've heard many horror stories about examiners just simply failing you just because they can. (fingers crossed all goes well). Another interesting part she mentioned is that in the 16 hours of driving you need to clock, 5 hours will be spent at the JPJ centre learning the amali stuff like changing tyres, learning about the engine, changing oil etc. All in all I will probably have to go for about 8 driving classes with the instructor because I gotta juggle school and tuition as well (sigh). [they don't give you a set amount of classes, it depends on how long each class is, how fast you learn and how many more hours you have left]. I'll also have to set aside like 4 Saturdays (skipping orchestra practice) to go for all the exams and stuff.

Well I don't know what to expect but I hope it won't be like shit and I'll enjoy it because I really like driving hahaa (let's see what I say in a year). Praying hard that I can juggle the driving classes in between school and stuff and get it done with before hard core concert stuff and trials get in the way.
REGINA PLEASE PASS THE FIRST TIME.

Senior Year : January

So we just filled out our registration forms for SPM earlier today in school, and it seems unreal.
Unreal that I've managed to study until this level (lol) and survived.
Unreal that next year, everything will begin again.

A couple of things happened in just three short weeks of school.
(omg drama)

I kinda dropped BK as a subject, and I feel that certain people hate me for it (lol)
However, I'll stand by my decision and go through with what I currently have on my plate right now.
This whole process of me dropping the subject like provoked a few questions in my brain :
(i) if i don't take a 'religious' subject, does that mean that God isn't going to be with me with my other subjects now?
(ii) is the purpose of wanting me to take BK so badly solely driven by the desire for me to really get to know God better, to push up the statistics of the number of people taking BK in M'sia or any other?
The answer to question (i) is obviously, no. God loves me no matter and will stand by me as long as I live. Nothing I do is going to make Him bless me more, nothing I do is going to make Him bless me less. Whether I do take BK or not, the number of As God has planned for me to get is already in His hands. so yeah.
The answer to question (ii), however, I'm willing to give myself the benefit of doubt to. Maybe I'm missing out a chance to get an extra A or A+ or whatever, but I know that my spiritual journey isn't merely subjected to the exam subject only. It may be my parents' reasoning in wanting me to drop BK to escape the inevitable B or C and a slim chance of an A, but it is my reasoning to drop BK as a sign of respecting my parents' reasonings. One of my morals is to always have your parents' blessings before doing anything. If they do not support you, who else is going to?

(my mum told me that the number of As doesn't matter, as long as it's my best awwwww ♥)

I can't believe I cried for that LOLOLOLOL
(Bae is amazing)

Another brudder has been a good bruh too. He reminded me not to be too stressed up. 'Aim for something, work for it'. That's sortaaa what he said hahahaa. Glad to have someone with the same ambition and there to remind me that I'm not alone in facing all these stress. (awwww)

ALSO I'M REALLY GLAD TO BE BACK IN A CLASS WHERE THE STUDENTS ARE QUIET AS SHIT EVENTHOUGH THERE'S NO TEACHER IN CLASS. FLEMINGOS FTW HAHAHAHA.

Prefectorial board has been improving loads tbh. I'm thinking KP was chosen correctly. I don't think I could've handled conflicts so well and be as direct to teacher as him. But sometimes he has this sickening 'bo chak' attitude towards protocols. I mean, it's always good to change but sometimes, the old methods are there for a reason. It's impossible to make everyone happy but there's no need to make everyone unhappy either. But hey, I can't really complain since I'm not doing it better than him right. THAT, apparently, is something some people don't understand. If you were really SO good, the teachers would definitely have seen your potential during the interview and during tugases. Heck, YJ would even recommend you to be KP la. But the fact remains, you didn't get top 6, she did, so? Suck it up la pls. I can't rant directly to your face because I really don't want any conflict with you. Even not as top 6, you're not performing well, what does that say about you? Learn to set your demands correctly and maybe for once people will listen to you. Not yak and yak and yak about how YOU've been treated unfairly or how YOU are the one being left out or how YOU are the one doing everything. What have you even fucking contributed. Money? Time? You didn't sponsor anything for the room like someone else did. You aren't even willing to put aside your time to do your tugas because of HOMEWORK. what, I don't have homework now? All the f5 pengawas don't have homework now? Be realistic omg. You yourself complained that the previous AJKs are lazy and useless and now you're becoming exactly like them. The irony.
Then there's the issue of camp haisss. I'm glad all the AJKs can stand as one and all go to camp tgt but I'm super freaking glad that this is my last year facing this shit. Teacher is like soooooooooooo uuuggghhhhhh i can't even. She wants all the prefects to join Kelab Rukun Negara. LOLLL. Tbh it's a reallyy poor decision cause high school should be the time where we as students are given the oppurtunity to explore different activities through clubs and figure out our interests. It doesn't mean that if I choose to be a prefect, my whole school life is dedicated to the board. Thank God she's only forcing it on the f3s and if I were a f3 this year I'd probably quit.

Concert preparations are going to startt yayy.
Stage manager this year and I'm kind of clueless not as to what I need to do but more of like how the floor plans are drawn ahaha. I hope I won't be blur because I can't be blur because I don't want to kena marah. Excited to see if I can handle this or not because I've never done anything like this hehh. Well, we shall see ;)

Another thing I need to rant about is respect. Basically all these issues going on is happening because people are not respecting each others' decisions. For example, the respect I'm talking about here is like say someone utters a bad word, you being someone who is so 'good' and 'innocent' don't say bad words and never used them. So? Respect. Respect that others have the right to say and do what they want. Respect their opinions even if it's wrong by listening to it. Respect people who are even younger than you because age does not bring wisdom like at all. Respect people's decision. Whether it's something like being gay or simply choosing not to do homework today.
The world would be a much better place if everyone learnt to respect everyone else regardless of race, rank and age.

The last thing I'm going to say is that I extremely, one hundred and ten percent, hate people who think I am dumb. I mean, you can definitely scold me if I messed up, but I simply can't stand if someone says 'This one also don't know how to do' or 'You guys are so dumb'. LIKE FUCKK YOUUUUU, you weren't in my shoes and you will never be in my shoes, you're never going to fully understand what anyone else is truly going through, so if someone messes up, or doesn't give you what you want, or doesn't know something (no matter how big that something is already), just reprimand them / tell them and that's it. Never ever call someone dumb or say 'You don't know anything about it'.
I guess that's like plus points for Mr. Siow lolll cause eventhough he banyak times throw tantrum he never does say anything like that.

so January, hello and goodbye, February, please don't be shit eventhough you already are shit because everything clashes every weekend on you.

things i would tell you #2

i wish you would stop treating every girl like they want to pounce on you and make you their boyfriend or something.
all i want is to have a buddy to talk to and it so happens you and i click.
i've gone past that phase to have stupid crushes on everyone so i would like it very much if you could stop acting like i still have one on you.

or maybe,

you, just changed

scratch that, we both changed yep

in which case i'll just keep my distance.

clichè

okay i'm not going to go on and on about what 2014 has brought and taught me because it has only done one thing : made me stronger.

i'd rather look forward to 2015 because it is looking rather bright at the moment.
i still remember a sermon in church once, where pastor talked about having disappointments in life. (idk if i somehow influenced the topic of the sermon with my facebook post) he said that
'sometimes God lets you fail, only to help you rise up again, soaring higher than ever before' and boy, has he done that.
sure, it was a downward plunge into 2014, but nothing but an uphill ride from there on. i can truly testify now, after i've gone through 2014, that God brings you back up, bit by bit, and before long, you're on top of the world. at the time i couldn't see it, i was blinded by anger and disappointment, but now after everything i can look back and tell you that even if everything seems like THE MOST DEPRESSING THING YOU'VE EVER FELT AND IT TUGS AT YOUR HEARTSTRINGS TILL IT HURTS, it gets better and better. just you wait.

[i will post shorter posts now because i literally hit my head 3 times on the same day really hard and now i have concentration issues jk just lazy]