sigh

if everything would just fall in place perfectly that'll be nice.
rn in a dilemma but not dilemma situation.
i want the kp post but i dont want it at the same time.
i guess one cant ask for everything at once can you.
if i get kp post, im sure my parents would make me drop wo, which is something i cant live without.

so, with C being super biased towards f, it might be a good thing. althought i still wish to be elected to a post of somewhat importance simply because, i wish to make my mark on the board. change a little to what i think is better.

and besides that im facing the probability of carrying another post in wo next year. part of me wants it part if me dont.

if i get the post, it means another year of putting up with shit from the teachers. seriously they don't even respect our practice dates yet expect us to be oohh so good. this results in me having to run around the entire fcking school almost every week when someone interrupts our practice time. im so sick of that. so sick.
you dont give us what we need yet want us to play for every fcking event. no just no.
and next year would be working with new committee with almost no experience, which means training them. being strict. and having to be the bad guy.
what the next years after mine lack is maybe respect? and probably the effort to do things without a superior asking
im not saying that my batch is super good, but we look out for each other pretty well.
this is also a problem with the p. board because those members lack passion. they lack passion to even carry out their regular duties what more when they are piled with duties they think is not part of their job scope. i wonder, how would you make a group of people like doing something they absolutely hate and are doing it because of the extra points they get?

i can barely handle the shit i get from teachers this year with such minimal posts. what more next year.

sigh fingers crossed everything falls into place the way i want it to. fingers crossed C biases all she wants to f make him head boy. i would very much love to help him no doubts about that and at the same time my parents wont make me drop wo. i dont know about the post tho. sigh.

i actually think f would make a pretty good headboy IF he is helped by a good and strong committee. but im afraid that he would get hate because of certain situations.

on another note i signed up for a new tuition class and im starting next week. the anxieties are kicking in and i keep telling myself that the people would be friendly but idk man.

so much on my mind that i cant begin to put it all in words.

sigh.

i miss you

i miss everything about you

i never thought i would miss you this much, but just this afternoon, when i had the chance to be with you once again, eventhough it was for just a mere 15 minutes, it was wonderful.
i haven't had time to spend with you nowadays.
frankly after that day i didn't have a reason to anymore.
but you and i, we go back a long time.
a long ass time.
never thought i would let you go this easily, but the responsibilities of the world bid me to spend lesser and lesser time with you; till all we have is so little that i barely notice you there.
i'm sorry.
i still love you ♥
i promise i'll make time for you again.
today my passion for you has been rekindled.
i won't let our 12 years together go down in vain.

but, it's too late to see you today.
i'll see you tomorrow kawaii piano

lots of love, reg ♥

Forgotten

:reposted due to grammar error:

I think, out of everything, what we fear most is to forget.
To forget a friend, a grandmother, a memory.

Happy memories, ofcourse. Although, if bad memories were forgotten, we wouldn't remember the lessons we learned from those bad memories, which isn't a very good thing.

Anyway, to forget, or to be forgotten.
It's scary, it's hurtful.

I guess that's why, people tend to take pictures everywhere and every second of the day.
Because to capture a picture would be to capture a moment, forever. To capture a person's features, that we may never forget how they look, forever.
It's wonderful how you can take one look at a picture and a warm rush of memories come flooding through. I love that.
But, people tend to forget the most important thing : to live in the moment.
We capture and record those all those moments we want to keep forever, yet only get to experience it through the lens of a camera.
The experience becomes.. unoriginal.. un-first hand.
But then again, of course, we wouldn't want to forget that time we attended that concert, or went to this party. Because we are all scared.
Scared that we might not cling on to that memory hard enough that it might just slip away.
That face we so clearly knew at the back of our hand just 5 years ago begin to fade away.

With all that said, pictures, are again, just pictures.
Perhaps we would retain much, much more of the memory. Much, much more of that person, if we would just not out so much effort into trying remember a moment, but truly just live in that moment. Then at least, you can say you lived that moment, and it is yours to treasure.

Forget we might, but it doesn't negate the fact that that moment occured.

look up from the lens, start living those moments.

untitled

you think you know someone, then they surprise you

Happy?

things have been going on pretty well. or i'd like to think so. i've just learnt to not give any fucks that often anymore.
when we care too much, and it is not returned, we get disappointed.
when we expect too much, and the results aren't as good, we get hurt.
when we put too much faith in humanity, and they somehow do something toake us lose that faith again.
i've been ranting out loud to many people and getting pissed off one too many times.
i don't know if i'm gonna be that grumpy woman in the future.
yet somehow i'm comfortable with who i  right now.
not being in the same class as everyone else has probably been a blessing in disguise. i don't talk asuch and actually pay attention to teacher. but idk why i try cause the teachers are really crap. not all but a couple. it makes me wonder if they had actually passed their english tests or tests in the subjects they teach before being allowed to teach.
don't get me wrong there are teachers i do like.
and those aren't many.
back to topic anyway, idgaf if i don't get to talk to my friends, idgaf if i'm left out, idgaf if people think i'm annoying i just dgaf, you know.
and that doesn't make me sad or anything.
it's like i've come to this stage where i don't mind.
life can hit me with anything. i feel strong.
maybe it's because i know, deep down, i've got friends for life. cheesy yea but it's true that's what i feel.
i did quite well this exam but well it's only the first.
i shouldn't get ahead of myself and be too confident and expect too much and let myself down again.
i sincerely hope i will see all my friends succeed in life along with myself. i'm confident that they can do it and i oughta have some confidence for myself too perhaps.
another thing is that i think i've rekindled my passion for writing once again. perhaps i'll be a writer someday. perhaps not. whatever it is, live in the moment. give your best now and you won't regret it in the future. ever.

*cheers*

Loneliness.

I feel replaced.
For the first time in my life, I can say I feel lonely.
The people I thought I knew are moving on to new friends. Guess they got tired of my shit pretty quick.
The people that told me I wouldn't be forgotten are doing what they said they wouldn't.
I feel as though they're slowly slipping away from me, from my grasp.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
I guess I knew from the start that this was inevitable.
Different classes, different friends.
I guess I'm expected to move on as well, to find new friends.
I don't want new friends.
I don't want to let those already in my heart be replaced.
I'm not letting them slip away.
I feel like people in that class are being given the better oppurtunity to be with my friends. Mine.
Yeah, I'm selfish saying that.
They are getting the chance to make their mark on my closest friends.
I used to have the assurance when they said they would never leave me out, or replace me.
But what they said they wouldn't do, they are doing.
Ofcourse I couldn't possibly expect them to spend time with me, and me alone.
And it's my fault in the first place I didn't make the grade for that class.
Correction : the teacher fucked up the system.
I'm just gonna say this out loud, I have the same amount of rights as f or i or prii to be in that class.
Yet the teacher fucks it up. Bravo teacher. Job well done.
and they wonder why children nowadays do not want to be a teacher. The ready set of teachers now are such an embarrasment to the school and national education system and even to the students ourselves.
I could've cheated my way in like ks. But I didn't.
Stupid me? No, I just wouldn't want it that way.
It wouldn't have felt as right.
So to those people who are trying to steal my friends away, just know this, I'm never letting them go.
I could be paranoid and be overthinking, but I don't care, they are not going to be replaced in my heart, even if they do that to me.

For now, I've resolved to hate just about everyone and everything to do with this class.