Driving License #3 : Lessons

I thought it wise to split the final part of getting a license (finally) into two bcs there are alot of things to cover haha.

So one fine saturday when I was finally free again I went for my first practical class which I has previously assumed was going to take 5 hours but everyone apparently does not care about the jpa so I clocked in about 3 hours. There were some complications getting me registered because i didnt take my undang here and wasn't under the same uncle blablabla so that took awhile. After all that boring stuff, we went under a tree (the uncle, another guy, another girl and me) and the uncle began to explain the 'engine' parts. So in this new system of grading, you're required to orally present yourself checking the car ex: you check the tyre pressure, it's ok, so you tell the examiner "the tyre pressure is ok" and you basically do that that for the entire car, opening and closing all the four doors, opening the boot and bonnet and mentioning the engine parts and all. (This part is a little bullshit tbh i mean you literally wind down and up the windows and say "the windows can be winded up and down".)

I assumed we were going to be doing that the whole day (but as I said no one there gave two shits about the hours jpa allocated) but after half an hour or so, i got to drive the freaking car omg. I have never handled a manual before so i was pretty excited hahahah. Uncle had me going round in circles, braking at the end of every circle i made LOL. Did that for maybe 10 circles then i got to do 3-point turn. Basically this is where people usually fail because you have to ONLY stop 3 times. Even if you jerk a little chances are the examiner won't let you pass. Next was the selekoh S and selekoh Z. Believe it or not i managed to go up on the kerb while doing the selekoh S bcs (noob). However i think uncle was in a terrific mood that day so he didnt scream at me 😂 Did many many rounds of those three elements before it was lunch and the other guy's turn to learn. Literally wasted somuch time waiting for the guy to finish so i got sunburnt. (50 shades darker) 

Next lesson i had to delay 2 weeks (ugh) bcs dad wanted to go back kampung. In this lesson I learnt how to parallel park. It wasn't difficult but it was confusing bcs uncle kept on changing his instructions lol like what. I chose a friday this time so i was the only one and got to go home immediately (yasss).

Third lesson was learning bukit (hill). Going up a hill is easy enough, but going up there, being required to stop RIGHT ON THE YELLOW LINE, braking and going down again is hell. I'd say out of everything this would probably be the one causing me to fail if i did fail (touchwood). I always manage to either go way past the yellow line or too far  from the yelllow line. That coupled with you having to control the levels of the clutch and accelerator evenly to prepare for descent is even worse. Fingers crossed i'll do fine.

Fourth and the most recent lesson i've been, i got to go on the road. (😱😱😱) This part uncle told me not to worry because apparently the examiners have been told to gurantee pass (if you get what i mean) me, considering i dont make any major mistakes like crash the car or smth. It's fun, because you get to accelerate up to gear 3, which is about 40km/h (probably more).I mean, in the circuit you don't get to accelerate at all, so obviously that's a big change hahaa. Ohh one thing i forgot to mention was that before you start to go out onto the road, they expect you to do another oral test, but this time inside the car. So you start the engine, and you gotta mention what all the lights mean, whether all your mirrors are looking damn fine and whether your wipers are working or not. At every junction, you have to stop, change to free gear, pull the handbrake, change to gear 1 and release the handbrake, even if there are no cars. This i really didnt see the point of i mean, your handbrake's gonna stop working in the span of 15 mins? Wha? The route that i'm supposed to use is full of holes and the road is small. That along with the fact that lorries go in and out every second is really stressful really. Got screamed at so many times for going too slow tho hahahaha. 💁

I have one last class scheduled before the test and uncle seems to have alot of faith in me that i can pass. Let's just hope he's right. Be back with another update before you know it 🚶

   

This doesn't fit

I believe that fitting in is a choice, not a situation.

If you really choose to fit in with that group, you probably will.

Maybe it won't seem to others that you fit in but the most important thing is what you feel.

How can you say you don't fit in, when you don't even try?

You only show up for events that interest you, where there are like mat salleh speakers and you don't interact with any of us much. 

No one has an easy time fitting in at first, no one can perfectly just zuup into a group the first time they meet.

Those who are able to do so are always the ones who are outspoken and making the first move. Talking first, saying 'hi' first etc. 

Sadly not every one of us were born to be like that. So then? What can you do?

You're supposed to MAKE bonds / friendships slowly. Gradually small buds will bloom into beautiful flowers, and that's when you'll witness the wonderful thing called friendship. If the bond is strong, nothing will part you, you'll feel comfortable interacting with them and not create excuses.

These are people you can openly tell 'I don't feel like doing this' heck, before  you even tell them, they would already know. And these are the friendships I live for. 

How do you think we got so close-knit in the first place? We went through all sorts of turmoils and mountains and valleys, many left, many joined, but who are you to judge from outside that we're perhaps not 'interesting' enough for you? 

I'm sick of people who claim no one accepts them for who they are, claim that they don't fit in anywhere, but do nothing to fix that. 

I'm sick of hearing people complain of being left out of things when (depending on the situation) it wasn't even in their place to be part of something or to know something. 

You've got to know your place in that friendship before questioning something.

Like who am I to question why the alumni don't invite me to their gatherings? Because i'm not part of their 'gang', so i know my place and just brush it off like whatever. 

I used to feel super offended whenever I saw some 'WO gathering' thing on ig or fb but you know what I realised, I'm not the only one feeling that, and now I've learnt not to give a damn. 

And I learnt to fit in without really fitting in. 

So, 

Before you people open your mouths to whine about what people are not doing to help YOU fit in, think about what you're actually doing on YOUR side to help YOURSELF fit in. 

I will find you

Well, technically, i can't find you.

You gotta find yourself.

You can't have other people telling you what you do best because what you're good at might not be what you're passionate about.

I don't have to tell you what you do well or what you don't because i don't think it matters at all. 

So what if you've never been 'good' at anything.

What is 'good' anyway? 

Academically, good is the standards set by the world, 

Socially, good is the average, 

Career wise, good is how other people do it. 

What's good to me might not be someone else's good. 

Maybe you'll end up loving what you chose to become, maybe you'll end up hating it so so much. Well, who's to say that I'm going to enjoy what i'll be doing next time too? No one can be certain until they succeed to be in that position.

So, why not strive to do what you want, instead of what you're told you're good at, and YOU NEVER KNOW one day you might succeed and actually enjoy it. 

Maybe you're thinking 'uh i don't like anything too' but you know you do. Deep down. Dig deeper.

I doubt most adults that we see now actually planned out their life so perfectly. I think it's up to fate. 

Maybe you've been asking yourself the wrong questions. What am I good at? What is the thing that i can do that I'm not going to mess up? 

Why not : 

Where do i see myself in 10 years?

Even if you don't have or you can't find what you're passionate about at this stage, SO WHAT. A job does not define your passions after all. And your passions do not define who you are. 

People are not going to take one look at you and be like 'oh, this person doesn't even know where she's going in life ew'  

WHO KNOWS one day you find joy in teaching small kids WHO KNOWS. 

Truth is, even though everyone seems so fucking certain about what they'd like to be 5 years from now or what their future husband is like, no one truly knows. You have as good a chance as everybody else. 

In the end, nothing can define you.

We are all organic compounds that are going to decompose into the ground the same way everyone else is going to be. 

You are you.

And that's how i'm going to remember you. You are good, no, you are amazing to me. Shouldn't that be enough?

Driving License #2 : Undang

The first thing you gotta do after signing up is go for a ceramah. A dreaded 6 hours of sitting down and listening to people talk crap loll. 

I had to postpone this for sooo many weeks because of camp and orchestra, but finally I got to go.

I was supposed to be at the office of the driving school at 8am sharp, so I arrived there at 8am, sharp, but still got scolded by the uncle (wut) and then spent like an hour and a half in the car going to fetch 2 other people from FAR FAR away. 

Reached at the place at about almost 10, got our books and immediately went in to the 'dewan'. The place was in Damansara and it was really run down D:

There were some video clips playing when I walked in, clips of like scary accidents and stuff (were they like trying to scare us to not take our license or smth idk) and soon the penceramah walked in. 

He was nice and joked around quite alot, but all he told us was to buy his cd and go home and study. Literally, that's it. 

Then came lunchtimee at around 12.

There was this girl who came in the same car as me and her name was Ruo Yi (i think) and she was also 17 (yay to early babies). Afterwards I found out that everyone from the car I came in was also 17 (triple yay). So anyway after going to the toilet (which was really digusting btw) we went in again for a second session of ceramah. Another man took over and this  guy was probably on drugs or smth he would be talking normally, and then shout all of a sudden. But he was more informative and told us which chapters to focus on et cetera. 

He told us we had to listen to him till 4.30 (dies) but then released us at 2.30 (lolz to the jpa rules) 

So the car came to fetch us and we went homeee wheee. (There was this super lz guy in the same car and he looked so much like yubing omg ok *fangirls*)

Usually someone would take the computer test like the week after but me being me, i postponed it for almost a month cause of school exams. I called the office like a week and a half earlier but she didnt book the day for me wtf so when I called to confirm a day before, they were so confused as to why i was calling zzz. I only started reading like the night before and I tried the 'mock test' that the penceramah put in the cd. And i failed hahaha so I got scared and I stayed up till 1am doing it until I passed with like 94% or smth. 

The next morning, uncle came to pick me at 9am, and obviously we had to go for another hugeee round around all of KL before actually reaching our destination. Reached the centre about 10.30 am and had to wait until 11.45 before I could go in and take the test. Took 20 mins to complete the whole thing and got 49/50 hahahaha. But then after that I was late for the orphanage trip and probably made the whole world pissed at me heh. Most questions were exactly the same as the cd so it was easy peasy hahaah. There were 10 questions for colour blind and 50 for general knowledge. If you failed the colour blind one you literally fail the whole thing and can never drive in your whole life ok. 

So yay that's one part done and the next lesson would be the amali workshop for like 5 and a half hours (dies) learning about engines and how to change tyres and how to change engine oil and let's just hope I survive that. 

Soon you'll stop seeing pictures of my table like this 

all the time and I'll finally get a life. Peace.

I really wanna change the colour and layout of this blog and change everything asdfghjkl.

But first, exams.

BE NICE TO EVERYONE

So Chinese New Year has just passed. 

It was great, not the best, but fun!

So this incident happened :

I painted my nails, and yeah I'm probably the worst at painting my nails, but I was happy with what I had. But hey, when I reached my hometown, my auntie commented that it looked horrible. Ok so I was like feeling bad. Then that night, i scratched like 3 nails clean cause I decided I didnt like it anymore but I didn't bring back the remover with me. 

Fast forward to the next night when I went to my granduncle's for reunion night dinner. My auntie there (who's like 19) spotted my nails and she was like "why are like 3 nails bare?" And she offered to do it for me (awwww) and when I got back that night I decided that nothing anyone else said about my nails matters because someone likes it and patched it up for me ❤️

So I started thinking, like in life, when you criticise someone about their appearance / personality, it would make me feel how I felt about my nails. Then that person would take it really badly and start scratching off that part of them away, bit by bit. 

However, once in a while, someone notices it and offers to patch it up for them. And for that while, that person would feel that nothing but joy about that part of them, because someone likes it and fixes it for you and essentially, fixes you.

Don't forget to be nice 😘

denial

#foreverthirdwheel
you know, i told you i'd understand
and i do
just quit being in denial that you're completely head over heels over each other
so whatt if you're together all the time and people say you ditch friends and stuff
ignore them man
your feelings are the important part
do what makes you feel happy and i'll be happy
you don't owe an explanation to anyone to be together
separation is inevitable
between me and you and you and him
i don't really expect that anyone can balance their time SOOO evenly but hey you're still there for me to rant to and thats good enough for me
you know yourself best, and you know you've not lost yourself, but for the most part, it seems to everyone that you have